The Anxiety We Make (and How to Unmake It)

Nowadays anxiety feels like the background music of modern life. We try to do it all, be it all, and post it all. Then we scroll… and compare our messy, human lives to everyone else’s highlight reel. It’s exhausting. What if a big slice of that anxiety is self-inflicted - by our calendars, our screens, and our comparison habits? 

Let’s sit down and reassess together. We’re all guilty of it. And our kids are watching. 

How the Comparison Machine Hurts Kids 

Teens practically live online, and many tweens do too. In the U.S., up to 95% of 13–17-year-olds use social media, and nearly 40% of 8–12-year-olds are on it despite age minimums. The U.S. Surgeon General has warned we can’t yet say social media is “sufficiently safe” for youth, highlighting links to sleep disruption, social comparison/body image concerns, and problematic use. 

Jonathan Haidt, in The Anxious Generation, adds that a great rewiring of childhood has occurred: kids’ play, independence, and face-to-face relationships have been replaced by life on screens. According to Haidt, the rise of anxiety and depression in youth isn’t just coincidence-it tracks with the moment smartphones and social media became dominant. Kids shifted from free play and exploration (which strengthen resilience) to a digital environment that amplifies comparison, reduces sleep, and undercuts real-world coping skills. 

Newer research adds teeth to these concerns: a longitudinal JAMA Network Open study following about 11,800 kids (ages 9–10 at baseline) found that increases in social media use predicted increases in depressive symptoms one year later, while the reverse wasn’t true. In short: more social, then more depression-not depressed first, social later. 

Why does this matter? Because adolescent brains are still wiring up attention, impulse control, and reward systems-prime conditions for late-night scrolling, algorithmic rabbit holes, and “I’m not enough” loops. Sleep takes a hit, and sleep loss itself is tied to worse mood and anxiety in youth. 

Parents Are the Example (Even When We Don’t Mean To Be) 

Kids don’t just hear rules; they watch routines. Studies and major organizations emphasize that caregiver modeling and warm monitoring (talking about content, setting norms together) reduce risk. Haidt echoes this-parents are the strongest influence in setting limits and modeling healthier, simpler lives. Translation: your habits are the most persuasive “parental control” you have. 

A Reset to Simplicity (for Happier, Saner Lives) 

Think of this as a “spring clean” for mind and home life. Pick a few; practice them for two weeks. 

• One priority per day. Everything else is optional. Protect 90-minute focus blocks (phone outside the room). 

• Comparison fast. Unfollow/mute accounts that trigger urgency, envy, or inadequacy. Curate for learning, joy, or real-life friends. 

• Phone-free anchors. Make three daily moments sacred: wake-up hour, dinner, and bedtime. (Kids’ phones sleep outside bedrooms; yours too.) 

• Sleep first, screens second. No video or social media after a set time (e.g., 9 pm on school nights or 2 hours before bedtime). Aim for consistent lights-out; guard weekends too. 

• Create a Family Media Plan. Put norms in writing-where/when devices are used, how you’ll handle new apps, and what to do when rules bend. Revisit monthly. 

• Monotask the moments that matter. Homework without YouTube/TikTok open. Walks without earbuds. Conversations without notifications. 

• Replace, don’t just remove. Swap doomscrolling for a library hold list, a puzzle on the table, a shared playlist, or a nap. 

• Teach “algorithm literacy.” Show kids how “For You” is trained. Practice tapping “Not Interested,” turning off autoplay, and setting app timers together. 

• Name feelings out loud. “I notice I scroll when I’m overwhelmed.” Kids learn regulation by watching it. 

• Plan margins. Schedule blank spaces like appointments with prompt for self-care or mindfulness activities or even naps. If it’s not on the calendar, it won’t exist. 

  
  

Quick Scripts Parents Can Use 

• When a new app is requested: “Great let’s learn it together. We’ll start with a 2-week trial, 30 minutes/day, and talk about what we notice.” 

• When scrolling spirals: “Looks like the app grabbed you. Want a reset with a snack and a 5-minute break, then decide if you still want it?” 

• When comparison bites: “What are we not seeing in that post? What’s one thing you’re grateful for in your real life right now?” 

  
  

If Anxiety Is Already High 

• Triage sleep first, then movement, then connection. These three act like multipliers for mood. 

• Shrink goals to tiny wins: 10-minute tidy, 5-minute walk, one text to a friend. 

• Consider professional support if mood, sleep, appetite, school engagement, or safety concerns persist. 

  
  

In Conclusion 

We can’t escape anxiety-but we can stop feeding it. Choosing fewer priorities, curating our feeds, and modeling calm boundaries creates homes where attention can rest, and kids can grow. As The Anxious Generation reminds us, kids thrive on freedom to play, to fail, and to connect face-to-face. Simplicity isn’t boring; it’s protective. Start small, repeat daily, and let your life-not your feed-be the highlight reel. 

References 

• Haidt, J. (2024). The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. Penguin Press. 

• U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Social Media and Youth Mental Health: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory. Retrieved from https://www.hhs.gov 

• Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2018). Associations between screen time and lower psychological well-being among children and adolescents: Evidence from a population-based study. Preventive Medicine Reports, 12, 271–283. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pmedr.2018.10.003 

• Kreski, N., Platt, J., Rutherford, C., Olfson, M., & Keyes, K. M. (2023). Social Media Use and Depression in Adolescents: A Longitudinal Study. JAMA Network Open, 6(6), e2317848. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2023.17848 

• American Academy of Pediatrics. (2023). Family Media Plan. Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org 

About the Author: My name is Nagnouma Sako. I’m a clinical intern at Allow Health LLC, completing my Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. My multicultural background has shaped who I am, enriching my perspective and deepening my appreciation for different worldviews. My journey into mental health comes after 10+ years in accounting and nonprofit management.  

If you ask me, I haven’t strayed too far from my true passion-helping people-only now, I get to do it more intimately and directly!